Hangers On Season, The Absurdity of Politics

Election time is once again upon us and with it comes different types and shapes of hangers-on. Smoked out of hiding by the very rare chance to appear on TV, while nonchalantly nodding their heads behind the main man or woman. A well timed exclamation of "shame!" or "yes!" already dutifully rehearsed, you will see them flank different press conferences.

 For some reason, every time I see these people I feel like saying "The multiplying villainies of nature do swarm upon him/her"(V for Vendetta). There could be some debate as to whether their intentions are villainous, but swarm upon him/her they do. And there is nothing natural about it. 

For it seems to me they actually swarm upon the person making a press statement, sometimes with barely enough leg-room and in different states of human disposition. Take for example the other day when MMD president (but not presidential candidate) Dr Nevers Mumba was making a press statement, I saw a cornucopia of characters, adorned in the most queer collection of apparel you would have thought a circus was in town, each in a different state of reflection as Dr Mumba read out his statement. 

 There were those who appeared to be silently muttering as evidenced by the movement of their lips; as to the substance of their muttering? I can only guess. My quickest and safest bet is that Dr Mumba being of clergy background, these were probably his prayer warriors and at that moment were involved in the most serious life and death invocation of the holy spirit's intervention on behalf of Dr Mumba who has had it rough of late. Or worse still, it was an urgent invocation of ancestral spirits to help him fight this battle. I don't know okay, all I saw were lips moving fervently, faces drawn taught and bodies clamoring forward.

Some were intently peering into the camera. Shifting ever so slightly along with any shift in camera angle. I can imagine them thinking, "its not every day you get to be on TV. I hope mum is watching, or better still my girlfriend". I don't think these even heard what what Dr Mumba was saying, they were just too engrossed in keeping sway with the camera.

Then comes the third group, who no doubt have a vested interest in the statement. They probably have had an advance copy, some might even be lucky enough to have contributed a choice phrase or two. Normally they are perched closest to the president or whoever is delivering the statement. Faces looking glum, you would think someone forced them to drink a glass of cow urine. The only movement on their faces is when the reader of the press statement makes "a point" to which they respond in gruff voices with "sense!, shame! or no!". You can clearly see that they invested a lot of time into this. They probably read the hell out of it, annotated it like, like they were reviewing some manuscript till the poor thing bled.

Or they could be simply be very good actors. Having been in a dozen and half such situations. They don't believe a word of what is being said, but have to sit through it nonetheless. It is not everyday you get paid to offer someone moral support, they reason. Besides, election season does not come every year, in fact it is supposed to come every five years, bar an "unfortunate" happenstance of death. So make the most of it. It has nothing to do with policy, nothing at all to do with principles (turn principles into cash? don't think so).

But who are these people?

You can probably write voluminous biographies on each of them. They are the guy next door, the professional hoping for some cheap but very quick recognition. Some are actually very good (whatever good means). I have seen a few I was with at University. level headed guys, mostly.

Or they may be just your regular guy, who doesn't know what the f**k is going on and have nothing better to do. They have no idea which party  is making a statement, have nothing to with the factions and frankly were going somewhere else before they were side-tracked by the commotion.
They found the cow urine being shared liberally, a smattering of bread and crisps, and they took it.

Politics in general is absurd. In particular I don't understand Zambian politics, not because of its complexity, but the inexplicable behavior of its actors. You are better off observing Zambian politics as a means of comic relief. If you take that approach you will never be disappointed. The scene is replete with enough comic material to last you a lifetime, from comedies of error, to romantic comedies to chick flicks and whatever is in between.